Mindset and body coaching to overcome emotional eating

LESSON 8

Hi, everyone. Lucia Veracruz here, and welcome to Lesson 8 of our Mindset and body coaching program. Today we will talk about Resolving conflicts within society and Accepting both sides of society.

In our last lesson, we talked about being in denial and facing the truth but also about some interesting universal rules that we should be aware of in order to help us grow.

Today I want to explain how resolving conflicts within society and accepting both sides will help us understand ourselves better and our place in this world.

What we cover today summary:

  1. Resolving conflicts within society
  2. Accepting both sides of society

Resolving conflicts within society

As I have mentioned in the previous lessons, everything in the universe has its pair of opposites which are identical in nature, but different in degree.

Same as we personally choose a side (good vs bad, healthy vs unhealthy, hardworking vs lazy, etc.) based on our experiences, thoughts and beliefs, so does the society.

And in the last couple of weeks, I have been explaining why it is important to accept ourselves with our opposite sides and now I want to show you why do we need to do the same within our society.

By choosing a side as part of our society we reject or deny the opposite side which then leads to conflict, stress and tension with the people in our lives.

For example those who are healthy take a stand against those who are unhealthy, those who are atheist take a stand against the religious, those who are vegetarians take a stand against meat eaters, those who don’t want to vaccinate take a stand against those who do or those who are spiritual take a stand against those who want to make money and have nice things, etc.

Regardless of what the division is caused by, each side has strong proponents and equally strong opponents.

Divisions in our society go way back when we had disagreements about who the leader should be, who has what rights or which God should be worshipped.

And today we see people divided on issues ranging from abortion to zoning, political divides between liberal and labour party, between city people and the farmers, and between religions, cultures, races and ethnicities which create pressure that we must choose a side.

Occasionally there are pleasant (although brief) moments of unity, often after a tragedy when a community may come together after a devastating natural disaster or a terrorist attack.

These conflicts in our society also affect the conflict that we already have within ourselves due to our identity and beliefs.

Resolving these conflicts will help us change, grow and ultimately achieve balance and fulfillment in every area of our lives.

We cannot have a balance in the area we want, without having balance in other areas.

Accepting both sides of society

What society believes has a strong influence on what we believe.

Having the need and desire to lose weight and be slim is closely related to wanting to be part of our society and fit in.

Society tends to judge unhealthy and overweight people saying that being overweight is bad and being skinny and fit is good.

The fear of falling into that category drives us to desperately control our food intake and do too much exercise so we can feel loved and accepted.

But doing so leads to struggle because it makes us dislike healthy food by constantly feeling unsatisfied and deprived and dislike exercise because we do it as punishment for eating too much instead of doing what we enjoy for a healthy lifestyle.

Healthy people vs unhealthy

There are some people who are so “freaked” out about germs that they wash and sanitize their hands all the time.

And then they end up getting sick because their immune system is not strong enough.

This balance also applies to our diet.

If we only eat unhealthily then we are pretty much digging a grave for ourselves and it’s a guarantee that we are not going to end up well, increasing the risk of diseases and being overweight.

And if we only eat healthy without allowing ourselves to have some treats here and there then that is not good either because by restricting ourselves we will pay the price eventually…

Not only that we will miss out on enjoying special occasions with our friends and family but in a long run we may develop an unhealthy relationship with food and lose the ability to control what and how much we eat.

Sad people vs happy people

There is also the belief that happiness is right and sadness is wrong and therefore it should be eliminated.

Sadness is a normal emotion, and we all feel it at certain times of life but sometimes it may lead to depression.

When we are depressed our thoughts become less based on reality, and more based on our imagination and the inside world of our depression.

We must learn to accept all of our feelings the good and the bad and learn to manage the them instead of removing them because by removing sadness we are going to remove happiness too.

You wouldn’t know what it means to be happy without being sad or to be sad without being happy. One cannot exist without the other.

Religious people vs scientists

Scientists use experiments and logic to observe, measure, communicate and prove how the universe exists.

And religious people use faith and belief in miracles and the supernatural in order to explain how the universe exists and how to achieve ultimate happiness.

But by choosing science and denying religion, we turn science into religion because, by definition, religion is one source of truth which must be obeyed.

Life without science or religion will not be a balanced life.

Rich people vs spiritual people

There is a common (limiting) belief that money and spirituality don’t mix.

Apparently, if we want to be rich, we cannot be spiritual and if we want to be spiritual, we cannot be rich.

But in reality money and spirituality go really well together because together they can bring the ultimate abundance into our lives in a deep fulfilling way.

We often hear that we must let go of material attachments in order to find happiness and fulfillment but what if we are already happy regardless of how much money we have and we want to be more successful so we can help those in need?

By rejecting money in the search for happiness, we end up being unhappy, because we need money for our bills, for food, for when we get sick and we can’t work or for when we want to travel or help others.

So how does all of this relate to overcoming emotional eating?

One of the key components of developing a balanced lifestyle and achieving new results is to change how we think by reprograming our mind.

Once we have a different view of the society we live in and a view of ourselves, we are going to be well equipped to manage our emotional state and make better choices when it comes to our eating habits.

Our new mindset will also give us the ability and confidence to control ourselves and our urges to overeat.

If you choose a side in any area of your life (and deny the other), that makes you a dualist.

And studies show that people who possess dualistic beliefs often practice unhealthy behaviors.

They found that people who suffered from emotional eating, binging or overeating reported stronger dualistic beliefs than participants with healthy balanced behaviors.

Specifically, the researchers determined that this was accompanied by irresponsible health and exercise behaviors including being completely inactive or over-exercising and poor food consumption.

When we totally deny one thing, and we obsess over the other, we end up creating the opposite.

The only way to be wrong is to choose a side and the only way to lose is to stay the same without any change.

So if you have been judgmental towards any specific society, it’s time to accept them and move on.

If you have been feeling low, it’s time to stop suppressing the sadness with food, just acknowledge it and then move on.

If you’ve been super religious and against any form of science, then it’s time to look at science and be open-minded and if you’ve been against any form of religion, then it’s time to look at religion.

If you’ve been focusing on becoming rich and successful, it’s time to look at spirituality and if you’ve only considered spirituality, it’s time to start earning some money.

You need to evolve to be able to achieve balance, happiness and fulfillment and that means removing all the dualism of your mental programming.

What you want to do right now is to be more aware and make a conscious decision to stop choosing sides and take time to understand the side you rejected so you can accept it for what it is.

You will need to let go of every belief that you’re holding onto that is controlling who you are and how you feel.

And to put this in practice right now, do 3 things that you would normally NEVER do to break down your dualism.

Here is what I did:

I went to watch a movie, instead of working late, which I would never do because I have a very strong work ethic.

I was late for a meeting, which was super challenging because I hate being late and I would never be late ever.

I lied about something silly to my husband because I really dislike lying or being lied to.

I jumped in a cold pool when I was feeling cold, which is something the “old me” would never do because I don’t like being cold.

I did some meditation, which I used to think was a waste of time and it only worked for people who can relax.

Experiencing your dualism doesn’t mean that from now on you must completely change and do the opposite of what you would normally do.

It just means that you accept (and experience) the other side without ANY JUDGMENT.

So I am still going to work 6 nights a week because I am motivated to help mums overcome emotional eating but I am not going to judge people who watch tv every night.

I am still going to be on time because it is important to me and I don’t like wasting anybody’s time, but I am not going to judge people who are late because I am not perfect and sometimes I might be late too.

I am still going to do my best to be honest in every situation, but I am not going to judge those who lie. There might be situations in life where it is better to withhold the truth. It is not about telling the truth at all cost, sometimes if the truth can hurt someone, it is better not to say anything.

I am going to continue having cold showers even if I don’t enjoy doing it because it is good for my immune system and it is a good practice to get out of my comfort zone.

And I am going to make time to meditate because I want to be more productive and efficient and meditation is good for improving my ability to focus and clear my “messy mind”.

So you don’t have to change the beliefs that are “working” well for you, just accept the other side.

But if you have limiting beliefs that are not working for you, then you will need to change them and move on.

Another way of accepting the “other side” is by doing a personality test so you know what areas you need to explore.

Do the Myer-Briggs personality test by clicking here now: Personality test. 

Just answer the questions honestly with the first thing that comes to your mind.

Get the results and then try and experience the opposite traits that you have been denying in order to evolve.

You will get 4 letters in your results which represent these qualities.

Use the table below to work out what opposite traits you need to explore.

I – Introverted, quiet and reserved | E – Extroverted, loud and outgoing
N – Intuitive, random and no rules | S – Structure, predictability and rules
F – Feeling and emotional | T – Thinking, logical and rational
P – Perceiving and indecisive | J – Judging and decisive

And in our next lesson, we will go deeper by looking at How do we form beliefs, How do we make decisions and The science of thinking.

Thank you for completing this lesson.

Today’s homework:

Welcome to your Mindset & Body Coaching Lesson 8

1. Your full name

2. Did you complete today's coaching lesson? If not, why not?

3. Did you exercise today? If not, why not?

4. Did all of your food choices make you feel satisfied today? If they didn't, how can you do better next time?

5. Did you binge today (eat an insane amount of food in one sitting)? If you did, what did you binge on and how much did you eat? If you didn't, go to question 10. 

6. If you binged, do you know why? What foods are you trying to restrict or control? What was the conversation in your head? What emotions did you feel before the binge? And how did they affect your binge?
7. How can you change that conversation in your head next time? What habits can you change to help you move forward? And how can you manage your emotions better next time instead of eating?
8. How did you feel after the binge?
9. What strategies did you use to help you move on? And how long did it take you to move on?
10. What improvements can you celebrate today?

11. Do you have any questions regarding today’s lesson?

12. How do you feel after completing it?